


About Babies

by lizzie_pj



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Baby, Baxley, F/M, Gen, daily life, old drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-07
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-10-29 02:40:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10844778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizzie_pj/pseuds/lizzie_pj
Summary: Set in the same universe as my "modern" story this bond between us, this takes place 2 years from where the story ended. It's Anna's birthday and Phyllis has taken on the task of "babysitting". How will Joe react to his wife's life changing news and will ghosts of the past come back to make life difficult for the now married couple?





	1. babysitting

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This is just a little something I wrote a while ago. It kinda takes place in the modern universe of my story "This bond between us" but can be read as a single piece as well. Nothing much happens in this scene, except I hope it's cute and an easy read.
> 
> If you told me what you think, I'd be over the moon.

She was sat in one of Anna's exceptionally cozy armchairs in front of the window through which the late morning sun shone brightly, carefully studying the features of the small girl in her arms. The tiny creature seemed so fragile that Phyllis was afraid for a moment she would squeeze and hurt her.  
Marianne opened her eyes as if on cue, as if she had felt the woman's gaze on her and without noticing it, a smile found its way on Phyllis' face at the light blue eyes that looked up at her curiously.

The baby was too young to really know the person who was holding her close, still Phyllis liked to imagine she did recognize her godmother's presence. Absentmindedly, she began stroking the girl's head carefully in a way that she knew would soothe her and softly hummed a familiar tune that ultimately led Mary to fall asleep once more.

Still, Phyllis showed no intention to let go of the girl or put her in her crib that John had moved into the living room for the occasion. Instead, she kept holding her close in a loving embrace.  
It was Anna's birthday and the couple had invited some friends for a relaxed brunch at home. Billy, now seven years of age and probably the proudest older brother Phyllis had ever seen, was attempting to help his mother in the kitchen. He was most likely causing more chaos than help but as always, Anna was too kind to tell her son off, and thus let him do some minor work that he couldn't do wrong.  
John on the other hand had taken on the task of welcoming their guests which had left them both unable to attend to the newest addition of the Bates family. They had been rather relieved when Phyllis, who had been among the first guests, had volunteered to watch Mary for the time being. Since the girl had been born only a few months before, Phyllis had been smitten with her. After another complicated pregnancy and a much too early birth, family and friends were all worried about the tiny baby that had to stay in hospital far longer than would have been normal. But to Phyllis, she was perfect. A perfect baby with bright eyes and adorable dark, curly hair.  
She sighed, finally stopping her slight rocking when she was sure Mary had indeed fallen asleep again, and took a moment to look out of the window.

It looked like it was going to be a beautiful day - one of those Joseph and her would have spent in the park, maybe have a picnic and later coffee at Ivy's if it hadn't been for Anna's small party. Not that she didn't like being around her and Joe's friends, it was just that she preferred to have him for herself, even after all the time they had been together now. She was still head over heels for the man who had started out as her quirky neighbour, even more so since they had gotten married almost two years ago. Since that day, when she had finally let herself feel truly safe from her own past, Phyllis didn't miss a thing. She had a loving husband, a wonderful marriage and great friends as well as a fulfilling job for the first time in her life. And now, she was also to some extend a member of her friend's family.

Phyllis was so lost in her own thoughts that she didn't notice how Anna was observing her friend with a smile of herself.

"Are you feeling alright?", Anna softly inquired when she had made her way over to her friend. Joe had mentioned something earlier and she wanted to make sure that she wasn't burdening her friend with the task of babysitting.

Jumping slightly at the unexpected interruption, Phyllis turned her head and replied, "Of course, Mary has just fallen asleep again. She really has to be the best behaved little girl in the world. Does she ever cry?"

Anna laughed silently. "Oh, believe me she does. Endlessly. Just never when she's with you. You're a right natural!"

It was true, Anna had watched her friend on other occasions before with her little daughter and immediately seen the connection between the two. While Marianne often cried when she was supposed to go to sleep, she never did when Phyllis put her to bed. If she hadn't known better, Anna would have suspected her friend must have had lots of practice with babies.

But children - apart from Anna's own two - had never been a subject between the women. Truth was that Anna was never quite sure if Phyllis even wanted children of her own.  
She wouldn't claim to know everything about the woman before her, just the things Joe had told her when it had become clear that the two of them would possibly plan their future together. He had talked about a troubled past and a previous relationship that had been rather toxic, but no details. So, Anna didn't know whether it had anything to do with her past that Phyllis never talked about having children - so unlike most married women around her age.

"I think your daughter likes me", Phyllis interrupted her friend's thoughts with a proud smile, turning her attention back to the bundle in her arms. Anna reached forward to softly touch her child's sleeping form and for a moment, both women were quietly amazed at the baby before them.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was hours later and the last guests were getting ready to leave when John approached his wife in the kitchen.

"If I were you, darling, I would watch that friend of yours like a hawk, you know?" He said in that typically cryptic way of his.

Anna who was busy putting the dirty dishes in the washer, looked up and eyed her husband, confused. "What are you talking about, dear?"

"Phyllis", he said, nudging his head towards the living room where Phyllis had taken up the task of carrying Mary around once more. "If we're not careful, she's going to kidnap her. It is as if they were glued together."

It was clearly her husband's humour to imply such a thing but Anna suddenly noticed it, too. Phyllis really left no opportunity out to take care of little Mary, she was absolutely in love with the little girl. For a moment, Anna wondered if she should share her worries with her husband, about why Phyllis never talked about the subject when she so obviously adored children. Not only Mary but she was great with Billy, too, which had been such a welcome surprise after he had always been so shy with other people when he was younger. But she chose just to chuckle and shake her head at John's silly insinuation.

"Really, look at her. I know that look, it's exactly the same content smile that you always wore when you were -"

John stopped in mid-sentence upon seeing Anna's peculiar look, something between excitement, shock and absolute happiness.

"Oh, John", she sighed audibly, "Now it makes sense. Didn't Joe tell you? He almost wanted to stay at home today, because Phyllis wasn't feeling well, he said. Told me that's it's been going on for days, now. But she insisted as it would always get better after a while."

"You mean ...", John started but was interrupted by his wife once again.

"Morning sickness, yes", she whispered, "Just look at her, she's positively glowing."

His wife was right, John had to admit. Anna always had a way to find out such things and Phyllis did look exceptionally happy today. He had noticed it, but came to the wrong conclusion. Anna however, had of course connected the dots.

"You think she knows?", he asked the blonde woman who shook her head in answer.

"Not consciously, no", Anna replied, "But I guess she feels it already."

They both knew they wouldn't say a thing to the woman in question. They both cared for her - and for the future father - and didn't want to spoil either of their fun of finding it out for themselves.

However, Anna couldn't quite keep her mouth shut and said with a wink, when Phyllis finally handed Mary over to her mother before she left, "Thanks again for taking care of her, I do hope all this exercise pays off."

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Only a few days later, Anna would receive a call from an excited Phyllis, telling her the news of her pregnancy.

"You knew, didn't you? That day of your party, I mean. You knew already!"

"I suspected it, yes", Anna admitted meekly, "you looked so happy and when Joe told me that he was worried for you because you were feeling sick, it was only logical. I'm sorry I didn't say anything."

"Oh, please don't be! Don't you worry about that", Phyllis tried to reassure her friend, then continued in a softer voice, "I'm so happy, so terribly happy, and Joseph has not been quite himself since he found out."

Anna was sure she heard a small sob on the other end of the phone line but chose not to comment on it. It was probably the hormones already, she knew from experience how they could turn one into a sobbing heap at times. Instead what she said was, "And I'm so happy for you. Honestly, if anyone deserves happiness, it's you two."

It was true. Anna didn't need to know every detail of her friend's past or of the troubles it had caused initially for Joe and her relationship. She trusted and cared for Phyllis enough to wish the other woman happiness from the heart.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: When I found that old one-shot material that formed into the first chapter of this, I didn't plan on continuing this. I had thought that I left my modern universe for good when I finished the original story all those months ago, being rather happy with letting it go. But now, it feels kinda good to come back to it and give a little more insight in the life I would imagine Bax and Joe to have as a no married couple.
> 
> I sincerely apologize for the really short chapter, under 1000 words is not something I would normally want to publish, but it stands for itself, so here I go.

Phyllis was leaning casually against the doorframe to Joseph's classroom, watching her husband from afar while he meticulously cleaned the blackboard. She knew his last lesson had been over a few minutes before and the dedicated teacher that he was, he wanted to leave everything in perfect shape before he would call it a day and leave for home. Whenever she thought about it Phyllis admired how serious he took his work and how he was truly cut out for this job. What a shame it would have been if he had never actually pursued his dream of becoming a teacher, she thought as she remembered that he had told her once, the road to his dream job had been a bumpy one.

From their work together in the Kids Book Club she knew how much Joseph adored the little ones, yet they had never talked about the possibility of having any children of their own. There was no time to contemplate on whetheror not he would react positively to the idea because as Phyllis stepped into the room, Joseph turned around behind his desk at the sound of the clicking from her heels on the stone floor.

„Phyllis", he exclaimed, obviously not having expected her at his workplace, „What are you doing here? Are you alright?"

„And hello to you, too", she said in a slightly teasing tone upon sensing his worry, „Everything's fine. Can't I just pick up my husband from work for once?"

„Sorry – hello, dear", Joseph replied sheepishly, almost knocking over a stool as he hurriedly made his way around the desk to give his wife a short kiss. Then, he said with a suspicious look, „You NEVER pick me up. You never even finish work remotely early enough to be at home when I am. Don't tell me you left on time for once?"

„Actually, I left early today. I had my doctor's appointment, remember?", Phyllis told him, taking hold of both his hands in hers. What was supposed to serve as a calming gesture somehow caused Joseph to become fidgety in anticipation of the outcome of that visit, if that was possible.

„Yeah, yes you said it was today", he said, just a bit too casually to deceive her, letting go of her grip and busying himself with packing up his worn briefcase. The worry in his voice was even more prominent when he continued, almost trembling, „So, what did she say? Is it something serious?"

For a moment she looked at him with an unreadable expression until she broke the gaze, turned her eyes downwards and said, „Yes, very serious. Life changing, to be exact."

„Life -?", he gulped, the shock leaving him momentarily unable to formulate a decent sentence. Phyllis hadn't been feeling well for over a week now. She'd had those sudden fits of nausea and constant tiredness which he hoped would turn out to be nothing, so he had insisted on her paying a visit to the doctor, just to get confimed that his worries were uncalled for. Her reaction now however, increased his fear that she was indeed seriously ill. „Phyllis, if you're … - whatever it is, please tell me", he practically begged her, breathless.

It took her a moment to answer but when she did, it was a blur of everything that went through her mind at that exact moment, „Joseph, please don't be mad! I know we have never talked about this and I don't even know if you want ... – hell, I'm not even sure if this is what I want. I'm sorry, if this is not the way … the way your life was planned out."

If anything, this left Joseph even more confused. Yet, as he sensed that Phyllis was on the brink of crying, he stepped forward again to hold her close. He let her sob into his shoulder for a moment before he softly inquired further, hoping for his voice to be calming enough to ease her a bit.

„Shh darling, whatever is the matter, I'm sure we can sort it out together. But please, tell me what's bothering you so much?"

„Oh, Joseph", she took a deep breath both to calm her sobs a bit and steady herself for the next words, „I'm pregnant."

There, she had sad it. Loud and clear. The words had left her mouth, leaving her with an axious nervousness for her husband's reaction.

Had he heard her right? Pregnant? As in 'not ill'? Joseph couldn't remember a moment in his life when he had been more relieved than right then. Phyllis' miserable state of mind had caused the worst scenarios to cross his mind. For a moment, he was so occupied with himself that he forgot to notice that the woman in his arms was still waiting for some reaction from him.

„What do you say? How do you feel about this?", she interrupted his thoughts meekly, that insecurity he hadn't seen her with in years suddenly prominent again in her voice and expectant eyes.

„What do I -? Phyllis, this is wonderful!", he beamed down at her.

„So, you don't hate me, then?" she asked, not quite convinced that he really meant those words despite the enthusiasm with which they were spoken.

„Phyllis, darling, you are my wife and I love you and you're having my – our baby. You're the best thing that ever happened to me, I could never hate you. Why would you say this? You make me so happy, so terribly happy!"

Finally, the words seemed to convince her and a smile crept on Phyllis' tear-striken face. The question was soon forgotten, for the moment at least, when they became overpowered by sheer blissfulness.


	3. of walls and worries

about five months later:

„You really shouldn't be doing this."

The woman rolled her eyes, thankful that she stood facing the wall, and replied „For the thousands time Joseph, I'm pregnant, not ill!"

„Which means you should be resting and not climbing on ladders. Especially when you're alone. I don't want to think of what could happen if you fell -"

„Then don't!" she snapped, finally pausing her work and spinning around as fast as it was possible with her already very visible belly, to face the man before her. „Honestly, stop it, please! You're driving me insane." He was being impossible in her eyes, worrying too much.

After six months of pregnancy, Joseph was well used to the sudden emotional outbursts of his wife. Therefore, he was rather unimpressed by her annoyed words and walked towards her, still with the same smile on his face he had since he came into the room and saw her standing on the ladder, fully engrossed in painting the wall.

The room that had looked almost sterile when he had left for work that morning now spotted two and a half light green walls. The colour went well with said yellow fabric that was tucked away in a box just waiting to be made into curtains, and Joseph inwardly congratulated himself for the green paint had been his choice.

Together they had decided early on that they didn't want to know whether they were going to have a boy or a girl and thus had agreed on neutral colours for the baby's room. The actual preparations had only started a few days ago with a trip to get the paint and curtains and have a first look at furniture.

For Joseph, it all went rather fast. It felt just like yesterday that Phyllis had told him she was pregnant and not like the actual five months which had passed since then. That they were already getting the room ready for the baby's arrival seemed surreal with the expected birth date still so far away. But Phyllis wanted to get everything finished in time. She wanted to make sure that nothing was left until the last minute, just in case. Since she had been ordered to stay at home by the doctor about a week ago, she felt terribly bored. She worked from home now but that was quite different from going to the agency every day. The lack of coffee – or in her case now, tea - breaks and friendly chats with her colleagues were the main reason that she finished her work much faster now than she was used to and that left her with an unusually high amount of free time. No wonder she had jumped at the opportunity to prepare the room.

„Come here", he said in a loving and patient tone, softly holding his wife by the waist. He almost expected her to tense at the touch and was surprised when she didn't. Instead, Phyllis sighed and put down the paintbrush before she slowly turned around again to climb down the few steps.

„Sit down and relax - and let me finish this", Joseph said before she could interrupt him to inject that the wall was only halfway finished. He gently led her to the armchair in the far corner of the room that was the only thing they had already bought apart from the paint and fabric. Neither of them bothered to remove the plastic cover that the had left on the piece of furniture in order to keep any drops of paint from ruining the chair. They both knew instinctively how pressingly Phyllis needed the rest. In fact, she didn't even notice at first that she was sitting down on plastic when she closed her eyes as soon as she sat down.

For a while she just listened to the sounds of her husband moving around the room and softly humming to himself. Then, when she felt rested enough to open her eyes again without feeling completely exhausted, she addressed him again with an apologetic look, „Sorry for giving you a scare. I didn't think. I needed some distraction and I thought I'd surprise you."

„I think you've given me enough of a surprise with this pregnancy to last me at least a year", he replied with a slight chuckle and was – in return – rewarded with Phyllis' distinctive smile.

Never would she forget the day she told him the news of her pregnancy, and soon she got lost in a daydream of that particular day for what must have been the tenth time that week.

Phyllis knew she had fooled herself these past months, wanting to believe that everything would be good now that they were really going to be a family. Since she had been ordered to stay at home she had had more than enough time to think and had ultimately come to realize that – with the prospect of the baby arriving soon – she had to share with Joseph another aspect of her past that she wasn't exactly proud of.

She remembered well how happy he had reacted to her news of the pregnancy that day in his classroom. It made sense, Joseph didn't only love his pupils but children in general – he might as well be the first future father ever to be more excited for the baby than then the mother-to-be. Kids never ceased to bring a smile on his face, even when they were on their worst behaviour, and that made it so hard for Phyllis to imagine him ever doing anything that could hurt the little ones. So, how could he forgive her the terrible thing she had done, when she could hardly forgive herself?

The first months of the pregnancy had been so busy and exciting that not a single thought was spent on the past and then, later on, she had successfully managed to distract herself from the memories that were threatening to haunt her. Lately however, they constantly crossed her mind, bringing back all the emotions that had been buried somewhere inside her for the last 8 years.

She could hardly sleep now since she had come to the conclusion that to talk to Joseph was what she had to do, no matter how much she feared that it could change things between them and damage their relationship irrevocably.

Phyllis sighed deeply. The task at hand was an impossibly difficult one, no words in her head sounded fitting enough to explain her inner turmoil to her husband. Not only were there no right words to excuse her actions, but on top of that her own thoughts and feelings confused her so much, that she was still overwhelmed by the little wonder inside her that bestowed such happiness upon them.

„We're having a baby", she murmured quietly to herself, as if not noticing that the words actually left her mouth. Stating it made it more real, even when her growing belly and the fact that they were currently preparing a room for the baby should have been more than enough to know of the change going on in their life.

But it also brought back vivid images of the past. A situation so similar and yet so different, a pain that felt both like a lifetime ago and at the same time more intense than ever before, a pent-up guilt that triggered a strong apprehension to feel light-hearted happiness.

As it was quiet despite the sound of the brush against the wall, Joseph had heard the soft voice of his wife clearly and was smiling to himself upon the words.

„Amazing, isn't it?" he asked, not stopping with his work. They became quiet again, both a bit lost in their thoughts for a while, embracing the comfortable silence that engulfed them.

Phyllis didn't mind postponing for a moment what she had to say. Right then, Joseph looked so happy that she couldn't bear to bring down his mood just yet. She was determined to approach the subject despite her unwillingness to disappoint her husband stopping her for a moment. She knew it was selfish as well, to savour his joyous state of mind for as long as possible, knowing that her revelation would change the beaming smile into an expression of hurt and pity very soon.

When Joseph was finished with his work, he looked around the room to get a proper view of the painted walls. In his imagination he could already see a wooden crib in the middle of the room, the yellow curtains with the rainbow pattern hanging by the window, and some shelves on the wall that would hold all kinds of things for the baby to play with. Only when he heard a sigh from behind him was he pulled out of his own world. Judging the frowning look on his wife's face, she had also been miles away – but not in a happy dreamland as it seemed.

„I don't deserve this, Joseph, I really don't", she barely whispered when she noticed his questioning glance in her direction.

Immediately, Joe shook his head and went to kneel down beside the armchair to comfort the woman he loved. „Please don't say that. Whatever makes you think -"

„You don't understand!", she interrupted him, looking sharply at him and raising her voice as if that would explain anything.

„Then, please help me understand, darling. I want to understand, I do", Joe continued as calm as possibly, ignoring his wife's small outburst.

For a while, she just sat there, staring angrily into space. In fact, for so long that Joe almost gave up hope of finding out what it was that troubled her as much. Then, after what felt like an eternity to both of them, she sighed once more and spoke, her voice bare of any emotion.

„I was pregnant once."


	4. What's in the past

„I was pregnant once."

To say that he was confused would have been the understatement of the century. With Phyllis being six months into her pregnancy he had expected she would have told him something as grave as this earlier. Why had she kept quiet for so long? What had happened back then? Did she not trust him?

He knew the disappointment would be apparent in his voice even before the words left his mouth. „You never said." He hadn't intended to sound so accusing, though.

„No", she simply replied, looking down without giving him anything that resembled an explanation. She knew he deserved as much after her dropping that bomb so suddenly but she didn't have the slightest idea how to begin. In her head, she knew Joseph loved her but could he still feel that way when she told him what she had done? He was honest and caring and she had done so many things in her life that would never even cross his good-natured, and sometimes a bit naive, mind. She liked to think that he made her a better person, too, and for most of the time that might even be true, but her past would always come back to haunt her, no matter how hard she tried to be deserving of his love.

„Would you tell me what happened?" Joseph inquired cautiosly, making sure not to sound too pressing. The last thing he wanted was to scare her off any further.

„I -", she gulped, trying to find the right words, before she realized there weren't right words to voice this. So what she did say was, „I got rid of it."

More than before, Phyllis refused to look anywhere near the direction of her husband. She knew he would be shocked to say the least. Disappointed in her and repulsed by the mere idea of what she had done. How could she ever look him in the eyes again, now? How could she have a baby with him after that? How could he have a baby with her?

Nothing of what she expected – from disappointment to accusations – came though. Instead, Joseph stood up from his position next to the chair only to sit down on the side again and pull his wife into a loving embrace. He was shocked by her revelation, more than he could put in words. And yet, the very thing he wanted – no, needed – to do was to comfort her in that moment. Not a word was spoken between the pair, for they both needed some time to sort out their thoughts.

„I understand if you can't love me anymore, now. Just please, please promise me you don't hate me", Phyllis softly said after a while, sobbing slightly and finally looking up into her husband's eyes.

„Oh dear, I could never hate you, ever. Please stop saying that", he tried to reassure her. It seemed to do the trick as the sobbing subsided slowly.

„Can you tell me why you …?", he couldn't quite bring himself to speak the words. To Joseph, it was a mystery what in the world could have driven Phyllis to do something like that. The woman he had gotten to know so well during the last years loved children, if her relationship with Anna and John's kids was any indication. He would never for a single moment have expected her to decide against a child of her own, despite them never having discussed the subject before she got pregnant. Then suddenly, her words triggered something inside him. „Wait - you said that before, that I would hate you! That day when you told me you were pregnant. Phyllis, what is all of this about? Please, talk to me."

„Just think about it, Joseph. I lied to you, I was stupid enough to get myself pregnant, again. It's not as if I hadn't been there before. How could you not hate me?"

„First of all, we were both careless enough to allow this to happen. And right now, I wouldn't have it any other way. And secondly, you didn't lie. You told me now and that's what's important." He didn't understand why she was being so reluctant to accept the truth in his words or what caused her to think so little of herself. That wasn't like his wife at all, it reminded him far too much of the way she was when they had first met. When her self-esteem had been close to non-existent and she blamed herself for too many things.

„Phyllis", he started in another attempt to get her to open up. He knew her enough to know that he needed to be careful if he wanted to get anywhere, „you don't need to tell me if you can't but I have to ask you this, because I want to understand. Did someone talk you into that? A man?"

Phyllis' eyes grew wide and she unconsciously bit her lip. The lack of an actual reply was enough for Joe to be sure he had hit the nail right on the head. It didn't take a genius to guess who exactly could have been that guy who blamed her for getting pregnant and talked her into having an abortion.

She knew what Joseph was thinking when she noticed that both his hands had clenched into fists and his worried expression had turned into one of supressed anger. It made her sad and angry at herself that once again, she had dragged the man she loved into her wretched past. She hated that he had to cope with her mistakes and wrong decisions – Joseph who really was the best person she had ever met. She didn't even notice her own tears until she had to clear her throat to be able to speak.

„He said that he would leave me if I decided to have the baby, and that he'd probably find a way to get rid of it either way. I was so scared, but I loved him so much even then, that I in the end I did it. I feel ashamed now and guilty, that I'm excited about our baby, when I killed another. I know I don't deserve all of this, with you. Not after what I did."

„Darling, come here", Joe softly ordered his wife, taking hold of her hands and pulling her into a hug once again, „There is no, absolutely no, reason for you to be ashamed. That bastard didn't deserve you for one second. It pains me so much to see how he has hurt you. If I could just make it all go away, I would."

„I know you would", she replied. Phyllis knew that her husband did everything in his power to make her life so much better than in had been, but they were no fools and knew that there were boundaries and happiness wasn't endless and that a past like hers would always come back to them in some way. „Should you have to, though? I can't help but wonder if you didn't deserve better. A life without the drama."

„And a life without you? No", he replied with a certainty that surprised both of them for a second. Even after being married for over two years, there were still things between them that hadn't been talked about. Yet, if there was one thing Joe was sure about, it was his love for the woman he had married, and nothing could change that. „I couldn't think of anyone I'd rather share my life with. Your past, ... it doesn't matter to me. I mean, it does matter that you were hurt and that all that influenced you, but it doesn't matter to me in a way that would make me care for you any less."

The moment Joseph had said this, Phyllis instantly believed him. He wouldn't lie to her or say something he didn't really mean just to ease her mind. They weren't like that. They both knew well enough where it could lead to build a cage of half-truths and empty words around them. However, it didn't stop her from being in awe once more of the unwavering support her husband gave her. At times like this, she could barely believe her luck of having him.

„I can't tell you how sorry I am that you have to put up with all of this. If I could change my past, I'd give a -"

„I know you would, you said that about a hundred times. And I'm telling you for the hundred's time that your limbs are way too gorgeous to give away to erase a past that's a part of you. When I swore on good and bad times, I meant it, you know."

„I bet you didn't expect so many troubles, though", Phyllis replied seriously but with a faint hint of a twinkle in her eyes.

„No", Joe confirmed, „but I didn't expect all those wonderfully amazing things, either."

It was true that when Phyllis had accepted his clumsy proposal he hadn't really believed that she actually would want to be with him and go through with the wedding. And even after she had proved him wrong and they had gotten married did he not expect his life to be this happy from then on. Naturally, it wasn't all sunshine, if anything her past made sure of that, always interfering in the most carefree moments like this to bring him back to reality. But never enough to make him reconsider his decision. Phyllis was the one person he wanted to share his life with, nothing from her past would change that.

„I'm not saying it's easy, but I'm glad you told me everything, because it means we can manage together. I believe in our love, and that it's strong enough to keep us going."

„I believe in that, too", Phyllis agreed, at last allowing herself a full smile.


	5. talks

„Joe?“, came the distictive voice of John Bates from the door behind him, causing Joseph to flinch slightly, „Of all the people what are you still doing here? Shouldn't be at home?“

Without taking his eyes off the computer screen in front of him, Joe replied, „I could ask you the same thing. Anna won't be pleased to know that you're working late.“

„You'd know if you could move your attention away from that screen for just one second, that I'm well on my way home. Plus, I have an explanation for being late, my weekly meeting with Mr. Dawes, remember? Unlike you, I'm not wasting time here that I could spend with Anna and the children. If I didn't know you, I would say that you're avoiding going home.“

Joe kept his eyes glued to the computer, reading with great interest what was written on the website he was currently studying. It was the hint for John to put on his jacket and scarf to get ready to leave. If Joe wasn't in the mood for a friendly chat, he wouldn't keep his friend from whatever it was he was doing. Neither of them were the greatest talkers when it came to personal matters, preferring to keep any problems to themselves instead of discussing them. If Joe wanted to talk about it he would approach his friend but if he didn't, John would be the last person to inquire. The men had known each other for years, almost since Joe had begun to teach at the local school, and with time had established some kind of friendship that had even grown when Anna had met Phyllis whom she immediately had taken a liking to. The two women were always eager to make plans for them together as couples, causing the four of them to get even closer.  
Joe liked it to have another couple as friends together with Phyllis. She spent so much time with her best friend, with whom Joe shared the mutual feeling of indifference, that the 'dates' with the Bates's were always a welcome change. Yet, he would have been just as content if his companionship with John Bates had stayed as neutrally friendly as it had been before he had met Phyllis.

The sound of the door being opened pulled Joe out of his concentration and made him snap around all of a sudden. 

„I know I shouldn't keep you“, he began with an apologetic smile and a sigh, „it's late and you want to go home.“

His hand still on the handle, John pushed the door close again and turned around. „Yes Joe, it's late and Anna is waiting already. So, whatever it is, spill it or go home, too.“

„Yes – yes, I really should call it a night as well, but ...“, he sighed, not knowing if and how he should best phrase his predicament until a thought crossed his mind right before his friend could lose patience and leave, „What would you do if you found out something about Anna – something that you're having a hard time accepting?“

For a moment, John was in thoughts before he said, „That would depend, I think. Is it something recent? Something that could affect our relationship? In that case, the only way to solve it is to talk about it. I'm not a good talker, you know that, but there's no way around it, I'd say.“

Joe nodded, not that this advice helped him in any way but he was thankful for the good intention anyway. „And if it was something from before you knew her?“, he urged.

„Then it isn't my business to approve or not. We're grown up people with a past, and faults. I guess there are a few things Phyllis could judge you for if she wanted, too, am I right?“

„I suppose there are“, he shrugged. It hadn't helped him at all to ask John Bates of all people for advice, so he should better let the man get home to his family. Maybe he should really leave, too, and pay a visit to his father. Joe felt guilty for having neglected his dad lately and for only thinking of him now when he was in need for help. But after all his online research and asking a friend hadn't brought him any further his dad was the only person he could think of to turn to.

 

„Will you talk to me or are you going to fuss with this teacup for the rest of the evening, son?“

It had been quite surprising for the elderly Mr. Molesley to see his son's slouched figure on the doorstep to his house earlier that evening when he had unsuspectingly opened the door to get his waste out. After his talk with John, Joseph had come to the deision that the only person who would be able to give him some proper advice was his dad, and had hurried to shut down the compuer and get on his way. However, when he arrived at his destination, his anxiousness had surfaced and kept him from knocking on the door. Instead, he had sat down on the small front porch and let his thoughts drift back to his problem and the woman who had caused it.

Upon Phyllis' big revelation, showing support and acceptance had come naturally to Joe who loved his wife dearly. It had been without even a hint of hesitation that he wanted her to know it wouldn't change a thing between them. He knew now that he had been wrong – too naive for his own good. It was quite the predicament he had gotten himself into by letting his positivity overcome him in that situation. With a soft thud he placed the teacup back on the saucer, straightening his shoulders a little in the process and taking a breath.

„Sorry da', I must be the worst company“, he frowned.

„You've surely seen better days, I can't deny that“, his father returned. Something was bothering his son, he knew as much. But after knowing Joe for all the years, he was well used to his reluctance to speak.

„The thing is“, he sighed, „it's Phyllis.“

„I suspected as much. But if you want my advice, you need to tell me more than that.“

Joe watched his father with a mix of annoyance and helplessness when he said, „She's told me something from her past, something that happened a few years ago. I can't tel you what it is exactly, but I don't know if I can forget it and get on as if nothing happened.“

„Well, did you tell her that? You know what I always tell you -“

„Yes, that talking is vital for any relationship, I know. That's the worst thing, I told her I'm alright with it, and now I can't tell her I'm not.“

Mr. Molesley watched his son with a serious expression for a moment, then he took a long sip from this teacup, and nodded. „The question is“, he began after moments of silence, „Do you think you could accept whatever it is she told you, at some point?“

For a while, Joe thought about his father's question, contemplating his answer and what it would mean for Phyllis and his relationship if he indeed could not accept what she had done, even if it had been to please that wretched ex-boyfriend of hers in the first place.

„I know I have to if I don't want to lose her.“

„Then you have your answer“, his father smiled knowingly. It was no secret to him how much his son adored the woman he had married and that he would do everything in his power to keep her and their relationship happy. Joe would have never said that he accepted something when he didn't intend to do so.

„It's not that simple, dad. I don't want to disappoint Phyllis by telling her that I need time to sort things out for myself. I affects her, too, you know. The last thing she needs now is me being difficult.“

„Listen lad, it's not easy to help you when you're not telling me what it's about“, Mr. Molesley began, only to continue as soon as he saw his son silently interrupting him by opening his mouth, „I'm not asking you to spill it, you keep your secrets to yourself. The only thing I can tell you is that if it's giving you both troubles, then you should find a way to deal with it together. You said it yourself that you're already careful not to burden her with your troubles. She's not stupid, she'll notice soon enough that something's off, if she hasn't already.“

„I suppose you're right. We really do need to talk. Thanks, dad“, Joe agreed. Even if it wasn't going to be an easy task, he knew it would be worth it in the end. Phyllis was his life and he'd do everything to keep her and their unborn baby. He had to find a way for them both to cope together.


	6. coffee conversations

Rain was pouring down the large window, making the people who hurried along the street appear like blurs. The small cafe was crowded due to the bad weather as the sudden summer storm had caused passers-by to seek shelter inside and wait for the rain to subside. In the back of the room, far from the windows and squeezed in between the big bookshelf and the counter, a couple was sitting in comfortable armchairs across from each other at one of the small tables. Only they weren't a couple but friends. Best friends. 

„I still don't get why the hell you've dragged me here, Bax? You know I hate this place. Couldn't you just as well have met me at my place? This café is too crowded, serves bad coffee and the fact that I have to get through the rain now, doesn't make it any better“, Thomas moaned, earning himself an annoyed sigh and an exasperated look from the woman across him. 

He could be a real nightmare sometimes, Phyllis smiled to herself, being used to his constant nagging. That was just his way of expressing himself, she knew not to take it too seriously. 

„Your flat?“, she replied with a disgusted look, „You mean that infested cave with germs and whatever all over the place? What makes you think I would ever set foot in there again?“

„Hmph“, he grumbled, for once not having the appropriate reply. His friend was right, the flat had indeed not looked its best when she had last come by. Not that it was his fault in an way, it were his two flatmates who regularly left the place a mess. At least in his own eyes, Thomas was the responsible one who actually knew how to turn on the dishwasher or use the vacuum cleaner. Gwen and Rick on the other hand, 'busy' students that they were, didn't much care for those things. In their defence though, Phyllis had chosen a particularly bad day for her visit some weeks ago. Since then, she made a point of staying away from there, too afraid to catch something. Under other circumstances, Thomas might have found her antics silly but with her being pregnant, he understood that she wanted to be safe. He had heard that when her friend, Anna had been expecting, a regular cold had made the already complicated pregnancy even more critical. Naturally, Phyllis didn't want to risk anything.

„Will you ever let me hear the end of it?“ he asked, pretending to sound unnerved by the subject.

„Not until you get those two lazybones to get some housework done. You're too soft on them. Gwen wasn't like this when I lived with her. Maybe it's your boyfriend influencing her in a bad way“, Phyllis teased.

„Very funny“, he replied in a deadpan voice, „That effort's lost on them, I'm afraid. Now why did you ask me here? Not to discuss my flatmates cleaning habits, I hope?“

„No“, she said, softly shaking her head, „it's something about Joseph. I know you and him couldn't be more different but you're the only one I can ask about this. Lately, I fear we're drifting apart … we're not even talking anymore. I mean, of course, we talk, about day-to-day stuff, but something is different about him and I wish I knew what it is.“

„What do you mean?“, Thomas inquired, now serious as well. „Has something happened? Have you had a fight?“

„Well, no, not exactly a fight. I told him about the abortion“, she elaborated, defending herself when she noticed the disapproving look, „I know you think I shouldn't have but I couldn't go on like this. It felt like lying and you know how much I hate that.“

„And he didn't react well, I take it?“ Thomas asked after drowning a big sip of his now almost-cold coffee.

„That's the thing, you know how he is, Joseph couldn't be mad if his life depended on it. He was very understanding and very supportive. But since then, he's keeping to himself, coming home late – from work, as he says.“

„And you don't believe that?“ Thomas asked perplexed. He wasn't a fan of Joe Molesley, yet even he knew of the man's infinite love for Phyllis. 

„I don't know what to believe. On the one hand, I know that he would rather avoid me than admit he does have troubles with what I told him. But on the other hand, what if it's all getting too much for him and this was just the last straw? He's a teacher, for God's sake! He can't be working late all the time and just last night, when he finally came home he said that he had already eaten. There is no place nearby the school to grab a bite and why would he stop somewhere when he's on his way home, anyway?“

„Wait? You think he's seeing someone? You can't be serious!“ he asked astounded by the mere thought of that.

Phyllis sighed. „I just think it suspicious that he's the only one among the teaching staff who works so late. I talked to John the other day, he told me that even he doesn't know what Joseph is up to. Just that he's always busy at his computer, at least until John leaves. I wish he would talk to me, I could cope with almost anything if only I knew what it is.“

Seeing his friend so confused affected Thomas as well. He wanted to comfort her, tell her everything would be alright, but fact was that what she had told him, confused him as well. Her husband's strange behaviour just didn't make much sense. 

„Bax darling, this is Joe Molesley we're talking about, not the likes of Peter. I don't know what to make of his late nights, but I know one thing,“ At that point, he took hold of her hands across the table, hoping that it would reassure her in a way. He wasn't the most physical person and the touch would have made him a bit insecure if it had been anyone else. „He would never hurt you. Whatever it is he's doing, it's not as bad as you think. If I had to take a guess, I'd say he's probably being his usual anxious, insecure self.“

„He isn't all that“, Phyllis objected without hesitation, defending her husband.

„Ha!“ Thomas barked, „He couldn't be more insecure when it comes to you. Probably thinks you won't love him anymore if he for once reacted how any normal person would. No-one can be always supportive.“

Phyllis silently nodded. She understood well what Thomas was telling her. Knowing Joseph she had suspected it, too, that he would fear for her love when it was really her who did something that required forgiveness. 

„So, apart from that how are you?“ he nudged his head towards her belly.

„Oh this“, she smiled contently, if a little strained, „everything's just as it should be, the doctor says. I just feel very big, very tired and very ready to get this baby out of me. It's three more months, can you believe it? I mean, that's good when I think of everything that still needs to be done until then. I only wish I wouldn' feel so useless. Who knew that staying at home can be so boring?“

„I could keep you company“, Thomas suggested, „Work's not too busy at the moment and it's exam time at university which makes Rick basically unavailable. I can help with the name search.“

„Why in heaven should I trust you with that? I can imagine the strange names you would come up with“, she joked.

As always when she teased him, Thomas faked to be insulted by the words. Only the mischievous twinkle in his eyes gave him away when he said, „I was thinking Thomas for a boy, and Raspberry if it's a girl.“

At this, Phyllis almost spilled her drink. „What kind of name is that?“

„Thomas?“, he asked innocently, „A common but strong, good-sounding name, I'd say. I know a nice guy who goes by it.“

Phyllis snorted, „Nice? You're not nice, Thomas. No, I meant Raspberry – that's not even a name. But never mind that, I wouldn't name my child after someone I know, that's just weird. Especially as I plan on making you the baby's godfather.“

„What? Me? Are you serious?“ Thomas asked, not really convinced that she wasn't playing tricks on him. „Bax, this is me we're talking about.“

„I know. You'd be the perfect godfather, Thomas. You like kids, face it“, Phyllis said with a certaintly that left no doubt she had indeed thought this through and made up her mind already.

It would be no use for Thomas to object any further, not that he wanted to. He wouldn't say but it did make him proud that Bax had chosen him for that role.


	7. dark night sky

„Don't come in!", she heard her husband's faint voice as soon as the entrance door fell close behind her. "Stay where you are, I'm coming", he added, his excitement very obvious.  
Phyllis inwardly smiled. She loved the little surprises Joseph sometimes planned for her, from pick-nicks in the park to spontaneous theatre visits. Whatever he had prepared now, she was getting even more curious when Joseph's head appeared nervously in the halfway opened doorway to the baby's room a moment later.  
"I'll be right there", he quickly said only to slam the door again before Phyllis could even do so much as nod in reply.  
Some minutes later - Phyllis was just stacking away the groceries she had bought on her way home - she heard Joseph walk up behind her.  
"So, now can I greet you properly?" she asked with a half smile, turning around and softly pulling him into an embrace. It was getting more and more difficult with her growing baby belly, even more so since Joseph tended to be over-cautious, afraid to hurt her or the baby.  
Joseph leaned down and placed a chaste kiss on his wife's head, a gesture they both very much loved and enjoyed. Then, he leaned back and looked at her with a little frown upon seeing the two bags full of vegetables that were standing on the counter still waiting to be stored away. "You shouldn't be doing this", he said in a soft yet firm voice, "Why won't you let me do these things? You're pregnant, Lissy, you should really be more careful."  
"I'm perfectly capable of carrying a few bags, Joseph. And don't call me Lissy!", Phyllis snapped. "And please do tell when would you do the shopping when you're always away, working late or whatever it is you're doing after school?"  
"You're angry", he sighed, his guilty conscience surfacing slowly. It had been a week since the talk with his father and yet, Joseph still hadn't found the right moment to speak to Phyllis. Instead, he had hidden even more often in his office at the school, deep in a search for something that would help him address the difficult subject or better even, help him to solve the problem.  
"I'm not", Phyllis stated before he could say anything else, "I'm worried. Something's wrong between us and I'm not stupid enough to believe it has nothing to do with the abortion."  
Big eyes, looking at him confused, worried but indeed not angry, waiting for an explanation. Joseph could have gotten lost in them if the woman in front of him hadn't chosen just that moment to clear her throat audibly, waiting impatiently for a response with her arms crossed over her chest.  
Reluctantly, he nodded, emphasising his answer with a sigh. "It's true. I… When you told me, I didn't want to make a big deal of it. You were so – I … In that moment, all I wanted was to make sure you know that I will always be there for you, whatever happens. And I stand by that. But it is a big deal, for both of us. I guess, … Maybe I was afraid of disappointing you. I wanted to support you. I screwed up, didn't I?"  
By the end of the little, halfway stuttered, monologue Joseph had slouched down on the kitchen stool, looking defeated.  
"Why didn't you talk to me?" Phyllis inquired as she stepped forward and gently put her hand on her husband's shoulder. "I wanted to make it better", he muttered, still refusing to look up at his wife. "All that time I spent at the school, I was researching, looking through all kinds of sites on the net for something that might help y – us."  
"Help us? We were happy, weren't we? Before I told you, I mean." She asked, slightly panicking at the thought that the problem was bigger than she had imagined.  
"We were. We are!" Joseph's head snatched up at that surprise written all over his face, making him look like a school boy being caught without his homework.  
"Then what is all this research about?" Phyllis inquired, now beginning to get more confused rather than agitated. "Heavens, I was so frightened about what you were doing, where you were going, and all you did was search the internet for … Well, what for?"  
"Please dear, calm down. Listen, the thing is, I did need time to – process what you told me. I know I can accept it now, but I wasn't ready to do so back when I told you I was. I'm sorry. It's just that this isn't a situation I ever imagined finding myself in, so I won't pretend that I can ever really understand what you're going through, or what you've been through. But I can promise you that I will try. I actually found something, I'm not sure if it will be any help but I suppose it won't hurt to try. I … Well, it's best if I show you."  
It was when he took her hand and slowly guided her towards the baby's room that Phyllis remembered how Joseph hadn't wanted her to come near the room earlier. Was there some kind of surprise waiting inside?  
"Close your eyes", Joseph whispered in her ear when they reached the door to the room, then waited for Phyllis to do so before opening it and leading the way inside. "Now, open them."  
Blinking in awe at the sight before her, Phyllis studied the dark painting that covered one corner of the room from the ceiling to about halfway down the wall. It looked like a dark blue night sky with hundreds of shining stars, a wonderful contrast to the white wooden crib that had been placed in front. Right where the painting ended there was a frame put up that held an official looking document.  
"Joseph, this is amazing", she gasped, while turning around to face him. "Did you do this?"  
"Mmh", he murmured in his signature insecure way, "I was hoping you would like it."  
„It's magical“, Phyllis smiled, taking a step towards the wall to have a closer look at the work. It really did look like an enchanted clear night sky with sparkling stars. She had always known that Joseph had a liking for everything artistic, but she hadn't thought he was such an artist himself. 

„What is this?“, she asked pointing at the frame, when her eyes fell on it once more.

„It's a star“, he replied, then added with a half shrug and a nudge of his head, „well, a star certificate, to be exact. It shall watch over the little one.“

Looking around her Phyllis chuckled, „Because all those stars you painted on the wall aren't sufficient?“

„No, it's … Do you mind if we – could we sit down?“ Joseph was suddenly nervous. He had been convinced of this idea since he had read about it, but Phyllis might just as well find it silly and not helpful at all. What if he had been to forward going through with it, and painting the wall in a dark colour that would be far too much work to get rid of again?

 

„Would you like something to drink? Tea?“, he asked fidgeting his hands on the hem of his shirt, attempting to postpone the conversation for a moment or two.

„No“, his wife replied, resolute but smiling while she reached out and took hold of his hands to calm him and herself down. „What I would like is to know what this star-thing is about and where there is the connection to our conversation from before? You said it might be helpful, but how?“

Almost if on clue, Joseph began fishing some papers out of his bag. „I found all this online. There are loads of people out there who don't know how to cope with the death of a baby. Just look at those“, he urged, „It's all people who lost a child during or before the birth. They call them star children. I thought, the star might be a nice symbol … something tangible in a way, to know that there is something … someone looking out for our child.“

It was with a tired, almost self-deprecating smile that Phyllis spoke, „That's all very well, but it's not quite me, isn't it? I didn't lose a baby.“

„But you did“, Joseph objected with a frantic nod of his head. „Maybe not in the way those people did, but it wasn't your choice any more than it was theirs.“

„Oh, Joe! I know you really want to think that, but it's not the truth. I made a choice, no matter how much it might have been influenced by Peter, it would be too easy to put all the blame on him. I can't pretend, least of all in front of you.“

„I'm not asking you to pretend. All I'm asking you is to accept that it's been much more his decision than yours. I know you'd rather take responsibility than admit that you've let yourself be talked into something like this. You're remarkably strong, Phyllis. I've never met anyone who has grown so much out of a place like yours. But that doesn't mean you can't show weakness.“

It was everything but difficult for Phyllis to guess what Joseph was implying. They both knew Peter had been her greatest weakness. And yet, it felt wrong to say that everything had been his fault alone. There had been something about him that had caused her to make all the wrong decisions. It wasn't so much the threats or the way he had treated her, but something about him – something she couldn't quite put a finger on, even now.

„If only I knew why he had such power over me! Maybe if I understood that, I could understand myself better, and forgive myself for what I did.“, she wondered more to herself than the man in front of her.

„Phyllis, darling, he controlled you back then. But he can't control you now, it's over. I know it's probably hard, but it doesn't do to dwell on the past too much. You'll get lost in it, and there's no time for that now. We have a future to plan, don't we?“ 

Seeing Joseph's honest smile, Phyllis couldn't help but mirror his expression. She nodded in agreement. Yes, they had a future to plan. The fact that he still wanted them to plan it together made her flutter with happiness and excitement. 

„Ouch“, she suddenly exclaimed, clutching her hand to her stomach.

„What is it? Are you okay?“, Joseph asked, alarmed at his wife's wide open eyes.

With a relaxed grin, she explained, „It's nothing. I think the baby is just happy, too, that we are all right again. She just kicked.“


	8. changes and choices

„She?“, Joe had asked, momentarily perplexed at his wife's choice of words.

Phyllis blinked confused, only just then realising what she had said. „I don't know why I said that“, she assured him, frowning at herself and noticing how he had gotten nervous already over the assumption that she might know more than they had decided upon before.

Joseph had nodded. He had no doubt that Phyllis was speaking the truth – it had been her after all who had asked him if he was alright with not knowing if the baby was a girl or a boy. „Maybe it's mother's instinct“, he softly whispered, pulling her closer to his body and into a close embrace.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Whether it had been a coincidence or indeed her instincts already, Phyllis was proven right, Joe acknowledged to himself with a smile some weeks later when he held his newborn daughter in his arms for the first time.

Amelia Molesley had chosen to make her presence into the world almost exactly on time, only two days before the expected date, which had left both parents rather relieved about not having to face the worries they had seen from Anna and John after Mary had been born prematurely. Joseph couldn't think of a single moment in his life when he had felt as happy and proud as he did right then. The little bundle in his arms was sleeping peacefully now, an imitation of her mother who was resting with her head on her husband's shoulder. 

Joe looked down at his family.

His perfect little family. 

Being honest with himself in the stillness of the hospital room, he could hardly believe the wonder that had just happened. They had created that perfect, tiny human being. The little person that Phyllis had often jokingly wondered about if it would ever make itself shown. Now, she was there, in his arms. His daughter. Amelia stirred, causing Joe to softly rock her in his arms. Her bright blue eyes opened only halfway, not yet realising that she wasn't safe inside her mother's womb any longer or recognising the person before her as her father. She opened her mouth a little as if to cry but then closed it again. 'Exactly like Phyllis whenever she wants to say something and then thinks better of it', Joe thought with a grin. She looked like her mother, too. Apart from the colour of her eyes she was the spotting image of her with the already thick, dark brown hair that curled a bit on her head and the small smile that already melted Joe's heart. 'At least, she doesn't have my hairline', he mused.

His soft chuckle upon that thought must have been noticed by his wife as Joe felt her moving beside him only seconds later. 

„What time is it?“ she asked, still sleepy and exhausted.

„It's early yet, go back to sleep, dear“, he replied.

But instead of listening and closing her eyes once more, she sat up a little, taking in the beautiful sight of her husband and the child in his arms. Phyllis reached over to put her hand cautiously around her daughter's small body.

„She's perfect, isn't she?“, Phyllis sighed.

„Incredible. You both are“, Joe murmured with a look of utter adoration in his eyes. He leaned down intending to kiss his wife's forehead as he had done so many times before, noticing too late that she had other intentions. As worn-out as she was, Phyllis sat up a bit straighter, just enough to capture Joe's lips in the most loving kiss. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

„There's something I'd like to talk to you about“, Phyllis greeted her husband a few weeks later when he came home from work. 

Settling in at home with the baby had been easy enough, the nursery had been ready for Amelia weeks before she as born, yet of course they had all get used to the new, different life. Not getting a good night's rest was something Phyllis still needed to get accustomed to, just as much as Joseph was still surprised about hearing Amelia's soft cries whenever he came home. It had certainly caused a newfound respect for Anna and John who often talked about their own children never stopping to cry at times when the parents wanted to sleep.

„What is it, dear?“, he asked, a hint of concern rising up inside him. „Is something wrong?“

„No, everything's just fine“, Phyllis reassured him, knowing well how easily her husband could get anxious. „I talked to Gwen today, and she reminded me of the old idea about godparents.“

„Godparents?“, he inquired, silently asking her to elaborate on the subject.

„Yes. I'd say we need to think about that. You have only your dad and I have no family left at all – well... none who would want anything to do with me. What if something happened to us? We need to pick someone who could take care of Amy.“

Joe was quiet for a minute or two, his forehead slightly wrinkling, deep in thought. When he finally spoke, it was just what Phyllis had expected, she grinned.

„Well, I s'pose Anna and John would-“, he began but was interrupted by his wife before he could go on.

„Yes, I thought of Anna, too. It would be nice if the two of us were godmothers to our respective daughters, right?“

„So, what's wrong about John, then?“ Joe asked reluctantly, not wanting to argue with his wife but all the same noticing her inhibitions.

„Nothing's wrong with him“, she said defensively, „I just don't think it's very clever to choose them both. It doesn't make much sense, does it?“

„Yeah, well, you're probably right“, he shrugged apologetically, „it was stupid of my to suggest...“

However, Phyllis just smile and patted his arm caringly. „It wasn't stupid, love. They're your friends, so naturally they would come to your mind first thing. They're a great choice, they are great parents after all. But … well, I thought of someone else as well.“ 

Joe tilted his head in a questioning manner when he noticed his wife chewing on her lip in hesitation and nervousness. „Go on, talk to me. I'm sure it can't be as bad as you think“, he laughed.

„It's Thomas“, she whispered taking a deep breath before going on in a steadier voice, „I'd like Thomas to be Amelia's godfather. And before you object, hear me out, please.“

„Shh“, he hushed, softly putting his index finger on her lips. „It's alright. You know well enough that I'm not Thomas Barrow's biggest fan, but if there is something I've learned from all the time we are together now, it's that you two come as a package. He's a part of your life, of course you'd want him to be a part of Amy's as well.“

„So, you're not mad because you two don't get along?“

„No, I'm not mad. I could never be mad at you, certainly not for something like this“, Joe assured the woman before him with an honest smile. „Plus, I suppose there's not much that's better for teasing him than by calling him 'uncle Thomas' from now on.“

„Joseph Molesley!“, Phyllis beamed with a mischievous glint in her eyes, punching his side, „I didn't know you could be so wicked!“

„Well“, he played along jokingly, „I'm glad I can still be a bit of a mystery to you.“

Phyllis was just about to reach up and pull Joe down into a kiss to end their fake argument when an all too well known crying sound from the nursery reached her. „That'll have to wait until later“, she suggestively whispered into his ear. 

'What a prospect', Joe thought with a shrug and a smile, looking after his retreating wife.


	9. epilogue

„That's three-twenty, please, m'am“, the cashier looks at her expectantly, putting a steaming paper cup on the counter.

Fishing some coins out of her purse, Phyllis hands him the money, then turns around to look at the courtyard before her. Rays of soft spring sun fill the area with a warm light, almost making her forget the slightly chilly breeze that tickles her arms. Maybe opting for a long-sleeved blouse and jeans would have been a better idea than the knee-long, flowing spring dress that barely covers her shoulders. The coffee will warm her, she thinks, warming her hands on the cup and blowing some hot steam away.

Her first gaze falls upon the men who occupy one of the tables in the shadow near the building's wall. The table before them is filled with cups of tea and coffee and half-emptied plastic bottles of orange juice, as well as a big plate that is stacked with all kinds of cakes and biscuits – whether to spoil the kids or rather themselves, Phyllis does not know. Involuntarily, she smiles to herself, wondering whose idea it had been to buy a piece of EVERY cake the cafeteria had in stock. Probably a collaboration of Thomas and Joe. As if the kids weren't enough of a handful already, those two could behave like three-year-olds sometimes she sighs.

When happy, carefree laughter reaches her ears, Phyllis's attention is drawn to the two girls who are running around in the pond that spreads over the better part of the courtyard. They have only been in the water for a few minutes but are already soaking wet, which doesn't stop either of them from splashing even more water at each other. Once again, Phyllis is glad for Anna, who had mentioned to have packed a spare outfit for Mary when she had left her children at Phyllis's place that morning. She is sure she would have forgotten to grab some extra clothes for Amelia, too, if it hadn't been for that reminder from her friend.   
The girls were having the time of their lives, it seems. They both loved the museum since Thomas had taken them first three years ago on Amy's birthday, when Phyllis's morning sickness had ruined her plan of taking the girls to the zoo. She is still thankful to the day that Thomas had willingly stepped up to entertain Amy and Mary – and start a tradition. The two of them had been so elated afterwards that from then on, they would visit the museum every year for Amy's birthday with friends and family with cake or ice-cream for the kids.

This time, Amelia had been going on for days before about how she wished the weather would be good enough for them to be able to play in the courtyard. No matter how much she enjoyed the explanations of all the exhibits from her dad and her Uncle Thomas – tea, cake and the fountain afterwards were always her highlight of the day. 

 

On the steps to the fountain Phyllis makes out the figure of her friend, Gwen. With her long, red hair she truly sticks out in every crowd. She had sat herself down near the place where Mary and Amy were playing, keeping an eye on them and at the same time trying to entertain the youngest of the children. Phyllis and Joseph's younger daughter is sat on her godmother's lap, apparently more interested in the older girls' activities than the picture book Gwen is showing her.  
Any of her attempts to hold on to the toddler in her arms are rather futile – the little girl squirms her way out of Gwen's grip and waddles a few steps on unsteady feet before she falls into the low water after merely a few seconds. „Beatrice!“, Gwen gasps and hurries after her too late. When she fishes the two-year-old out of the pond, the girl wriggles her little limbs and gurgles merrily. They are a funny sight, the girl with the dripping dress and the young woman leaning down over her, with her jeans rolled up and bare feet now wet as well.

„Sorry, I'm late“, an all too familiar, out-of-breath voice speaks up next to Phyllis, pulling her out of her daydream. 

„Hello Anna, dear“, Phyllis greets her friend, pulling her into a warm hug. „Don't worry about that, the rascals haven't even noticed you weren't here yet. You alright?“

„Ah, that sounds like them“, Anna replies with a knowing grin, „Yeah, I just had a bit of a stressful day at work, and one of the kids' parents were late to pick him up so I had to wait with him. How did my two behave?“

„Perfectly“, Phyllis smiles. Anna's suspicious look isn't missed though, so she adds, „Honestly, they were at their best behaviour. Billy even offered to look after the girls for a moment when Bee needed her nappy changed. I suspect Amelia told them that I threatened to cancel the cake if there was anything like a repeat of that time when you went to the park with them.“

Anna tries to suppress a giggle and meekly admits, „You know what I did? Told Billy last night that I'd take his phone for two whole days if I heard a complaint of an sort after today. I know it's the wrong thing to do. But just look at the boy, he can't take his eyes off the bloody thing for a second.“

„I wouldn't think too much about that if I were you. I'm sure it's just a phase he will get over soon enough. I don't blame him, spending a Saturday with his baby sister and her friend is hardly his idea of fun, I believe. I certainly know I had different things on my mind when I was 15“, Phyllis says with a playful gleam in her eyes.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Some time later, the girls have been re-dressed, Billy's phone is stored safely away in his mother's purse, and the whole group is squashed around the small table, with drinks in their hands and small paper plates filled with cake in front of them. 

„Really, Amelia?“ Phyllis asks her daughter with a raised eyebrow when she sees the amount of cake the girl is loading on her plate, „Three pieces?“

„What, mom?“ She replies with a cheek in her tone much more fitting to a teenager than a girl her age. „It's my birthday and I get to choose!“

„Cheeky“, John comments dryly from across the table, glancing sideways to Thomas who is sat next to him and adding. „Wonder where she's got that from?!“

The comment of the normally very quiet man causes everyone at the table to burst out in hearty laughter. Well, everyone except Thomas who is almost choking on his biscuit and Amy who regards the group with a sulky frown, that is nothing short of her godfather's face whenever he feels personally attacked, as if making fun of her on her birthday is a capital offense.


End file.
